No RED tides here

again?

I have been told on more than one occasion that my personal musings tend to take the turn to the darker side. I say I am only following the free flowing cascades of my mind. The question is, am I watching from the bottom, or the top? Do I appreciate the vast beautiful vista of nature, or do I hold my breath and take one more paddle over the edge? If you knew me, you would not have asked in the first place.

Here we go again...

Can I save me from myself?
Does the mind know when it wanders in wonder? Does it fabricate its own reality to convince the body of what it need to be real? When I think, I try to remind myself to keep one foot on the ground (metaphorically of course) lest my journey take a path with no return. At least then I can pretend to believe in something real, even though I may be lost in my own imagination. Like that dream you have when you are reading. You know what you are reading, but you just can't see the words. Here we go.

Will my salvation be my own damnation?
Needs seasoned with wants, sprinkled with a hint a reality, served warm on a plate of fantasy. I tried to become that which I ran from for so long. I did not know I was trying, which is why I almost succeeded... or did I almost fail? Again.

I suspect that in binding my wits I will undoubtedly unravel my constitution.
What is the purpose of pleasure in pain? Do you revel in full release from being bound? Are you constrained by the fear of feral emotions? Do you find all there is to gain by giving it all away? Simple answers take the most thought to produce, yet they in turn often spark complex questions. Again?

No one warned me

How lovely it must be to be "in love",
To find that person you always thought of.
Where didn't I look when none but one held my eyes?
Are there many looking, or are they all waiting to be found?
When did tomorrow finally come?


-OF BEING IN LOVE-

When the day after tomorrow (which never) comes I might let go.
I might learn to love again.
I might.

There will only be you, and I,
because we were gone too long ago.

Every day I hoped that we would come back,
but as each of those days pass, my hope
(which I had hoped would never become hope)
passes with each, and I am left only with my wants.
And to want with fading hope leaves me with nothing.
What am I to do with nothing?
With nothing, I can lose nothing,
and perhaps this is the only thing I truly needed.

Perhaps.

To abandon myself to the truth; be stripped of all pretentions, delusions and fading hopes.
To find that beneath it all, all I have is myself and nothing more.
Perhaps. My hopes and wants led me to what I need.

The truth.

So in this truth I should begin anew. I should.
A new start. With nothing. Nothing to lose and everything to gain.

But at least in this new start, I know.
And above everyting else,
the one thing I really wanted
was to know...
To know of being in love.