Ballard Street Stories

The last miniature pizza roll passed under his nose at a backyard wedding reception, and everyone lunged at the tempting hors d’oeuvre. Soon thereafter, out came the tiny celery and carrot sticks in a Mongolian yogurt cream dip. Each subsequent tray brought smaller more scrumptious morsels that, when prepared at home, usually come in larger sizes.

Gary was struck with a brilliant, yet not so overwhelming idea: smaller portions considered more high society!

If so, it explained the niggling notion that his grandiose concepts were being ignored simply due to their sheer magnitude. Were his BS neighbours secretly considering him a Johnny-come-lately? Shame and a reluctance to share too much of his mind forced his theoretical plans to shrink over time. And over that same time, he became aware that the mailman smiled at him, the neighbourhood watch didn't avoid his corner, and more noticeably, Rusty, Miss Millie and the pack did.

Small ideas... this was the way to go! Big enough still to notice, but small enough to be recognised for what they were... pure genius!

Ballard Street Stories

Rusty could not wrap his mind around the blatant contradiction that erupted in the backyard. Hoses and fun DO NOT go together. He tirelessly reminded Ted and Sandy every Saturday morning at the dreaded Bath Wars. Yet here they were, mindlessly repudiating years of canine intuition. And the fact that Sandy willingly waited, flaunted insensitive disregard Rusty's way. As his blood pressure rose and began to pound in his head, Rusty saw about setting in motion an amazing plan of his own...

Ballard Street Stories

Muffin sticks with these sessions because they are contractual. While progress may be measured by a variety of yardsticks, the therapists of Ballard’s Animal Regression Koncepts (insert acronym here) pride themselves on resolving every case, by any means.

Ballard Street Stories

Last year's veterinary expedition was successful and required no further treatment. However, since the event Reggie now refers to bitterly as "The Last Hump", no one other than Harold has been able to get within a ten foot radius without Reggie raising alarm. Never out of earshot, Harold is now his dog's best and only confidant. Oh, worry not, for Reggie is in fine health, but his caramel coat is ... well, no longer caramel. And as evidenced by his catlike climbing abilities, it has become disturbingly apparent that his claws have gone too long without trimming. Harold says he doesn't mind, as long as Reggie plasters whatever he peels, but the management at Ace Hardware on William Jefferson Blvd. no longer sees the value in humouring Reggie's biscuits as currency.

Harold admitted to us last night that Sandra started seeing other men... again. More adventurous men. He senses her dwindling respect for him, a man who is not the master of his own house. x_Tech could no longer stand to watch the man season his single malt scotch with tears as he sipped it sullenly. Something had to be done.

Reggie surely isn't going to be snuck upon, but x_Tech and I voted unanimously that he's quite vulnerable to the sneak down. It now became a matter of getting Harold out of the room without suspicion...