I cycled 16 miles today.
Last week brought the end to my seven year, one month run with Accela Marketing. This job was the longest I've stayed at any one thing (besides my own life). I was trying to figure out if I wish it was a more amicable parting of ways. Until recently part of me clung to the history of institution I helped create. Today, I realised the bridge was burnt as soon as I got off the other side. So much for history, but thank God for small decencies. Very small decencies. Disappointment resonates strongly on both sides of this separation. I've been told anger also resides not so quietly on the other side. There will be inevitable conflict when opposing core values, regardless of a common goal, impact upon each other on a daily basis. Resentment builds, suspicion gets the better of communication, insecurities will bias perceptions. So I am now wondering about my future. And while I wonder... I wander.
I cycled 16 miles today. On it's own, that's not an impressive statement. However, temper in Saint Lucian topography and re-examine. I am taking (at most) two weeks to clear my head and heart of what was my life's primary drive for almost a decade. I need to get back to the point where saying "I" or "we" only refers to myself, and not the entity I had so deeply become a part of. Every day in one way or another I plan to step out and away from who I think I am - who I was, who I have become - and allow "me" to come back to me. In this time, while I get off the path and run through the fields, I believe I will see once again. It is good to have no limitations, no fear, no direction for a few moments in time in order to allow the opportunities we never knew to crash into us. Time to look outside of the routine and smell some truly fresh air. The reality is I have to re-identify myself before I can decide where, or even what I do next.
What next?
The question that I recently thought only focused on my lifestyle for fitness, health and fun. Now it's fully integrated into every aspect I am, and will be.
I hope to see you on the way. Well, not all of you.
